Twenty years ago, on a record-breaking hot July 3rd, I stood over my mom’s hospital bed and said good-bye to my best friend. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer only three weeks earlier, and complications put her death on the fast-track. I had just turned twenty.
Each July, the memories of my mom wash over me with the hot Texas breeze. Sometimes the memories introduce the feeling of loss and grief anew. But as I grieve, I’m reminded that many women never experience during their lifetime the blessings of a good mother. I had the best a child could have for 20 years.
During the summer months, I usually spend time evaluating my homeschool. And during July, I often examine how I stack up as a mother. Inevitably, I think of my own mom and the legacy she passed on to me. Although my mother never homeschooled her three children, she came about as close as you could come to homeschooling in those days, and I’m grateful for the things she taught me through her life.
- Mom loved the Lord. Mom came to know the Lord during my junior high years, and from that point on, her life centered around knowing and pleasing Him. When I came home from school, she usually had the radio tuned to J. Vernon McGee, Back to the Bible Broadcast, or Zola Levitt’s studies on Israel. Mom’s Bible was tattered and worn when she died, and I now treasure the notes she scribbled in the margins and on old church bulletins.
- Mom loved kids. She genuinely enjoyed spending time with our friends and us. Most of our friends considered her their second mom. (Some of those “other children” served as pallbearers at her funeral.)
- Mom was available. Whatever we did, she was in the big middle of it—helping as an elementary school aide, co-leading Blue Bird meetings, sponsoring PeeWee cheerleading squads, attending track meets and football games, sewing costumes, keeping score during baseball games—she even helped me make pep rally signs during my high school cheerleading days. When friends’ moms were out making money, Mom was the one who drove my friends home from school and retrieved their forgotten homework when they were desperate.
- Mom listened. She made us feel important when we were little, and she continued to listen (for hours, sometimes in the middle of the night!) during our teen years. I trusted her with all my secrets—she really was my best friend.
- Mom esteemed us, building our self-confidence. She often told us how proud she was of us. She was my biggest cheerleader in life, and because she believed in me, I attempted things I would never have considered without her support. She made life easy.
- Mom was kind. She didn’t get uptight about muddy feet or messy spills. She didn’t have typical mom-hot-buttons—trivial things didn’t bother her. There were times when she was frustrated with us, but I never heard her yell.
- Mom was fun. Homemade chocolate chip cookies, water sprinklers and slip n’ slides, late-night movies, long hikes at the family farm, porch swing talks, dominoes, laughter…. And at the risk of making you think she was raising delinquents, I confess that she was our toilet-papering get-away driver.
- Mom was passionate about hobbies that centered around our home and family. Mom spent her time in activities that made our home and family a haven—gardening, re-finishing furniture, renovating our West Texas family farm, decorating on a shoestring, and being a wife and mother. She was highly intelligent, but she never pursued activities that pulled her away from the family. She found fulfillment in loving the Lord and being a mom.
- Mom maintained a high moral standard. Although I was consistently a “straight-A” student, Mom didn’t expect certain grades. Grades weren’t a priority for her. Probably the only grades on our report cards that she scrutinized were our conduct grades—she expected us to behave. And “doing the right thing” was something Mom lived before us on a daily basis. Honesty was high on her priority list. When grocery store clerks gave her too much change, even if it was just a few cents, she returned it. She never lied. One of her favorite sayings was “Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.” She also didn’t curse or use inappropriate language.
- Mom was just plain nice. Even though she was a little shy in social settings, people liked her. She had a servant’s heart—she was the first to help others in a pinch.
- Mom was hard-working. She had an off-the-charts work ethic. She wasn’t afraid to do the tough stuff, either. I remember coming home from school one day and finding her on the roof with my brother, re-roofing the house!
- Mom allowed us reasonable freedoms. We kids enjoyed summer camps, school trips, bike rides across town, long walks with friends, and extra-curricular activities. Our world has changed enough over the past 25 years that I’m somewhat more cautious about some of these activities, but I’m grateful that my mother allowed me these experiences, and because of them, I’m challenged to look for appropriate opportunities and experiences for my own children.
- Mom had a love for life. She was an enthusiastic learner, a passionate debater, and an active outdoorswoman. She often helped me prepare rebuttals when teachers or friends challenged my beliefs. She was passionate about the things that mattered.
- Mom gave me a deep compassion for single moms. The one “failure” of her life was the break-up of her marriage during our teen years. I watched her grieve and cry out to the Lord during those dark days. All she ever wanted to be was a wife and mother, and after 20 years as a homemaker, she was forced into the workplace to make ends meet. She took hard, low-paying jobs because they allowed her to be home with us when school was out—she believed teenagers needed their mom to be available as much as younger children needed her. Even during her personal crisis, Mom put her children ahead of her own convenience. What an example of selflessness and perseverance!
Many of you are mothers. I hope you enjoy the blessing of sweet memories and experiences with your own mothers, and I wish you God’s grace as you seek to pass on those blessings to your own children.
Adapted from an earlier article by Jayme Durant, originally published in July, 2000.
