When we face overwhelming, painful circumstances, we typically don’t see our “Lazarus rise from the grave”–our loved one doesn’t sit up in his coffin and walk away from his own funeral, our illness worsens, and our dreams may shatter into a million tiny pieces.
We believe. We ask. But whatever miracle we’re begging from God doesn’t happen.
And we find ourselves groping for a God we don’t understand. How do we respond to the disappointments we face when Jesus doesn’t perform as we wish–when He doesn’t rescue us?
Disappointment with God is the place where our journey with Him begins. It’s at this place of resignation where we take the broken pieces of our life and lay them at His feet.
Disappointment is where I no longer have expectations of the way my deity should behave, and my dreams are no longer punctuated with “Lord willing” because I’ve already discovered that He hasn’t been willing–at least not now, not my way.
This place of broken emptiness is highlighted only by the certainty that God is faithful and God is good–and God defines what that goodness is. This is the place I begin a walk with Him, a walk where He tells me He is enough, and yes, He holds my hand even when my grasp fails.
Jesus invites us to bring our disappointments to Him, just as Jesus welcomed Mary’s disappointment and accusation–“If You had been here, this wouldn’t have happened.” In other words, “Where were You when I needed you?”
Sometimes He is silent. (Mary heard no word for four days after Jesus was contacted.) Other times, He gently points out truths along the way. He cares, He is always present, and He’s doing something good. My responsibility is simply to trust Him.
When I’m disappointed with God, it’s usually a tip-off that my heart is clutching an expectation, or I’ve elevated a wish to the position of entitlement–God owes me. I’m continually amazed how graciously God woos my heart to Him when I become discouraged, when I begin to lose heart in my struggles.
Mary got her miracle. Thanks to Jesus, Lazarus walked out of the grave. But I’m convinced that Mary would’ve anointed Jesus’ feet with the most costly perfume even if Lazarus had remained in the grave, because we see evidence of her devotion before Lazarus rose–she fell at Jesus’ feet when He finally showed up. In the midst of her most overwhelming disappointment and in spite of the pain, her faith remained intact.
Mary reminds us–don’t sit in the chair of disappointment long. Move to the place of worship, first in laying the disappointment at His feet, then to sacrificing the most costly possession of our lives to Him–the broken pieces of our hearts.
Three times we see Mary at Jesus’ feet, as she: listens and delights in Him, then pours out her grief to Him, and later anoints Him with costly perfume as an act of worship, devotion, and sacrifice. Disappointment is a part of our journey with Him, the path that ultimately leads us to worship.
(John 11 and 12)
